Enter the World of Online Dating

Enter, the Internet. Welcome to the world of online dating. I had reached a new low. I wondered to myself, how pathetic does a girl need to be to resort to dating over the internet. But, why not? Nothing else had worked so far, and I certainly didn’t want the life of the single girl forever.

Internet Trial number 1…Mike. First impression…looked at picture. EWWW. I know, right? I can’t afford to be picky. I’m getting old! And we’re done with that match.

So, in the spirit of I can’t live forever with my parents (although it’d be nice), I move out. Buy my first place, and think surely, now that I’m independent and capable, now I’ll find Mr. Right.
Lesson #2: WRONG!

Internet Trial number 2….Trey. And yes, names have been changed, although none of these men are innocent enough to deserve protection! Trey and I email. We have nothing in common. We decide to meet for coffee. We have nothing in common. Trey likes to bike. I hate to bike…makes my ass hurt. Trey likes history. Uh…the war of 1812 happened in 1812? Trey likes living with roommates to build him up. I like living alone so no one messes up my house. Trey likes traditional. I like modern. We have nothing in common. Date ends. Trey closes me out and lists “I don’t feel the chemistry”. No shit, Sherlock.

Internet Trial number 3…Bart. I’m smitten. Bart’s profile is so funny I spit out my coffee ice cream when I read it. I decide to email him and be all witty. Dang, I’m funny. Bart and I email. And email. I laugh at his emails. I write witty emails. I laugh. We email. And email. And email. We’ve got everything in common. And I think to myself, this has got to be it. And I tell everyone I know that if Bart is half as funny in person as he is over email, I’ll be in love. Bart and I decide to meet for coffee. There is no chemistry. And to make matters worse, I have to pay for my own coffee - what's that about?! Bart is not as funny in person as he is over email. Scratch that, Bart is not funny at all in person. AT ALL. And we’re done.